Let our scars fall in love- Galway Kinnell

Let our scars fall in love- Galway Kinnell

Friday, February 10, 2012

Born

Death is such a weird concept that I do not understand. The more you think about it the harder it gets to comprehend. Where do they go ? Do they watch upon us? Can they see the pain...the aching they left behind, and how hard it is to move on ? How impossible it is to forget? How the dynamics will forever be changed? How smiles try to conceal broken souls, and how happiness becomes abstract..an unattainable goal? How they go away and steal a part of you and never give it back? Do they know?
Maybe they forget..I would want to forget. But how dare they forget! The days you spent, the moments you connect. All the times you sat for hours in silence ..just silence..because that's all you needed sometimes..too close for formalities..then you wake up one day, and you're just sitting alone.. in silence..two lungs ventilating.two others missing.. reminiscing.. sipping..
Broken people..you see them everyday..

When do you know? Do they really want you to move on? Will she let you open your heart once more and let go?
You meet, its unexpected. It happens. He plays games, and so do you.You deny it, try to forget it..it meant nothing. But you can't stop thinking about it, remembering every touch..every word. She makes him smile, but she can see the hesitation in his eyes. Torn. Your head wants it , but his wounds start to leak every time you come near.. then he starts to freak..so you have to make that choice.. you'd rather not..but the decision is a must.  Because he can't handle that feeling again..too risky, too scary. And you have you're standards, and you have your friends, and on a potential disaster you'd rather just miss.. so you play pretend and you play friends.. because you've had your share and he has too.. and your scars are too scared to learn how to fall in love. Again. Stuck in the middle, haunted by the past..you waited.. he didn't meet you half way..so you'd rather just walk away.

How do you teach your heart how to love ?




Mariam N

Monday, February 6, 2012

Someone unlike you

Lights, buildings, hopes , highs, lows, and drops. I came in a child. What does this city do.. build you up , corrupt you, educate you, and throw you into life.
I wonder when I'm alone, about all the changes , all the "new" faces that are no longer new .. my new self and the damage I cant undo..
When I'm alone, I watch the fake stars, I try to forget .. but the problem is they left scars.. I wonder when I'm alone...then the voice inside get so loud, so I shut it up and numb it. Sitting in beautiful rooms, talking about a bunch of fools. Fools yes, not the males and the he's. That's just an old misconception. Blaming them always for the mistakes we make, for our soft hearts. It's not their fault. Its not his fault..
I let him do it , but he still did it . I was oblivious to the state of my heart. The kingdom was falling.
Because I no longer feed myself bullshit. Take it out and replace it with a pulse maker. Ticking my life away, because they're all the same. You think it's a problem when your sleeping alone, but isn't it a problem when it doesn't feel wrong anymore?
But then this one thing happens, and you start to feel like a kid again.. for a second though only..now I'm fully aware..but why would I go back to square one? Don't lie to me Adele, don't whine to me Lana. The next one will have to jump across all the mines I have planted. Survival of the fittest.
Mariam N