Awkward

Maybe self-improvement is not the answer sometimes. Sink to your lowest, hit bottom rock, linger there for a while, start to like it, knowing you actually hate it, then blame it on whatever you want. This is not me, this is not how I usually am I swear.......

I think you need to bring that version of yourself to life. Materialize it. Become aware of it. Then emerge victoriously, with a sharp clear vision of the person you never want to be. Thats self improvement.
Also, MS anonymous , really?? I know who you are. People like you are the reason this world is falling apart.