Awkward

Maybe self-improvement is not the answer sometimes. Sink to your lowest, hit bottom rock, linger there for a while, start to like it, knowing you actually hate it, then blame it on whatever you want. This is not me, this is not how I usually am I swear.......

I think you need to bring that version of yourself to life. Materialize it. Become aware of it. Then emerge victoriously, with a sharp clear vision of the person you never want to be. Thats self improvement.
Also, MS anonymous , really?? I know who you are. People like you are the reason this world is falling apart.

Sunday morning blues.

Reality is a story told to us by our brains. When I first heard my psychology professor saying that 2 years ago , I thought he was wise and that I completely understood him. It took me 2 years to realize that I actually do not understand. So at night when I'm alone, I contemplate. If we all have separate brains, hence different ideas of reality , then what is it then? An act of fiction, an idea? Whats the point of getting close to someone, if our perceptions will never be the same? I wonder..or maybe we're trapped in a loop hole of trial and error.

Oh Well..

Im walking with my coat on , but I hear them say its April. 11 pm . I hate passing through these ancient buildings at such a late hour. Its cold. But I wont stop till I get there. I have to ride it through. What a mission. Then I accept it, I pick it up, and I'm on a roll. I take my hand out of my pocket. I look at it. Its holding a pack. I light a smoke. 10 more minutes of systematic footwork. Damn it , ipod's running low. But im still puffing. Only when Im close to the bud do i realize.. that i have lost most of my senses in my hand. Red bruised. I wonder how i didnt notice it before. Then in a single moment of clarity in this dark night, I figure out how valuable these mouth to side movements are to me. More valuable than having a warm hand in my pocket. Addiction and conditional training. Our minds and bodies.. you are what you train yourself to be.... I wonder how many things I'm obliviously conditioned to ...and what happens when you become aware?