Hmm.

So you're here , predetermined , just on time.
I love you , but I was so close to calling it off.
It's cliche, nothing personal, but I've been having a hard time bringing myself..pushing myself to engage in human interaction.
I have enough communication going on...oh but can I still call it "communication" if its one ended? Oh whatever, so you're here now. I proceed, asking you how I can feed.. that buzz you need.
So I fix you up and I lead. Let me entertain you , touch that side of you, that you hide so well..but not quite. I know because I do that too but sometimes I fail.
What do you want to talk about..our feelings?
Your process of healing?
How we're dealing?
Coping or competing?
I'm lost, so I'm opening the door slightly, tell me what I should be believing?
How can I be sure this is what I want when I just can't predict what I will be feeling?
So you start to talk, I can hear the words before you speak.
You tell me life is what you make it, you can give it you can take it
You can waste it, and I love it.
So I take over
And I want to tell you everything , but its just so hard.
I'm too lazy to explain, because Its just too much, and you might not understand...all the times that I've had.
I've always had a plan. Now your telling me I have to rewind.
I'm just not ready for that.
Because I've been hurt there
There are somethings that I've been avoiding
And I've been running away
and every time i think about going to stay
I smile at first, but in my heart i can feel a cramp
Knowing that I must face it , I'm going back to base camp
Oh and I know it'll be good , I can do it I'm a champ..
I'm talking too much I really didn't give you a chance.
See I guess its a miscommunication that we tried to communicate
Because in my head I already know the story and finished the debate
That's why I'm up all night, that's why my mind wanders off
You tell me not to think too much, I swear it doesn't go off.
I can go on and on forever , I know its enough
I overwhelmed you, so we change the topic into random stuff
Now you're sober
Back to normal
You get up , I TTYL you and close the door
Leaving me alone with my thoughts, spark spark ..then no more.

Mariam N