good riddance 2010? or not?

According to astrology and horoscope lovers, 2010 was a year of change for Libras like me, and supposedly 2011 will keep walking in that path. I don't know if I really believe predictions but personally my life seems to have taken a position on that wheel of fortune. Spinning randomly and chaotically. It feels like the beginning of the year was a decade ago. I don't know if it really is a "new" year or are we as humans just playing with numbers, I mean we have so many different new years, Chinese, Muslim, Persian,etc, which one marks the beginning?

On another note, I've been through so much in the past year. The first half was dramatic just as my new years evening was. Looking back, I'm thankful for the good as much as the bad. I'm thankful for the hate I've seen, the prejudiced beings, for the hypocritical. Eye opening year. Thank you for the mistakes I've made, for the wrong causes I pursued. It's been tough, but I emerged. They thought I'd sink but I floated.

Praises to all the new faces I've met in the second half of the year, mostly in Toronto. Each one of you added a peace to my existence.

Should we pay homage for the days that past or try to write down pointless resolutions? I find that everyone is almost hoping for the same things, re-wishing last years wishes.. humans are optimistic by nature. Which explains the emphasis we place on celebrating the birth of a new year with pathetic parties and binge drinking. Are we trying to forget? I will never understand.

Re-capping from a wider lens, what has humanity done. We have 3D television sets, Spain won the world cup, Fashion evolved to a "anything works" era, hearts are still getting broken, some homes are built on the developed end, many shattered on the developing. Natural disasters hit the unfortunate, Secrets exposed (love that), governments ashamed. I've been hearing about world peace efforts for the past 20 years...still no progress, so I'm not really sure what I want from Mr.011.

What I do know is that I gained a bit of wisdom this year, I'm not replaying last years resolutions because as I said I've changed. This year.. I don't know how its going to go, if planning ahead gives you a sense of comfort and security then go ahead and do it. But it seems pointless to me, I'm just going to try and be a better human, elevate to another level hopefully, keep influencing those of you in my life, and keep an open eye and open mind. To the children brought into the world in 2011, I would like to welcome you to the world, I was going to throw some of my ideology at you, but I realized that people dont understand till they go through it..we learn from our own mistakes, advice, we barely take, so I'm just going to save my breath.

Lost for words, hoping for the best, and expecting the worst. Wishing you all the best. For the sake of tradition I'll say happy new years, and may the best of 2010 be the worst of your 2011..oh what the hell, Cheers!

Feeling like an Eve

It’s unfortunate that they say its not right. Rocking on this chair, pretending to pretend, rocking away.

Holding them in, too precious to shed. No tears from a king. I am a king, a soldier, a night-time lonely watcher. Surrounded by it all, security around the clock. Still thinking about the forbidden, the impossible, the unfortunate. Oh damn, security breach. I know I will be okay. I told you I’m a soldier. I’ll shoot you. Leap over your dead body and walk away. If only…I was a soldier. It’s my fault. I never forget the rules, so why am I stranded on an illegal border now. I want to go home, but what is home, where is it, I don’t know anymore. I need help. Can I go back to who I was before? I crossed the line, and lost the way back. Because you’re the fruit I always wanted. Your shoulder was built for me. I've heard them say, I've been warned, don't touch what you cant grab, dont reach for what you cant have. But I just want you to know that my heart is a rebel, it doesn't play by the rules, so save your guidelines, let it be. No language or religion. Does it really matter? Why do you have to go and put titles, labels, pick up the red highlighter and emphasize our differences? What am i saying, they don’t understand. My pain they won’t comprehend. Yes, I’m forever changed. No longer in denial. Your face is haunting me. I want to go back and do things differently, but I can't be thinking this way. I wish I never came home to you that day. I should’ve stayed with my friends. The butterfly effect. Damn that horrible beautiful butterfly. Casually landed on my palm, caught me off-guard and I knew I wouldn’t be the same again. Greatness is what we feared; I know our bond would’ve blown me away. So we run away now, escape with what we can still save. Because the love is not enough, and the pain is just too rough. You opened the door so easily, now everytime I close my eyes, even if it’s just to blink, in my head I see your face, looking at me, you're there, now you're not, you're here, it was light, now I open my eyes and its just dark.