Forwarded letters....

One eye open..closed again. It's dark..she missed the light once more. Keeping them closed, vodka still burning her throat.. not ready to face that she's been in bed for so long. In and out of reality, not willing to remember what happened last night. In and out of reality. Regret..self loathing..fighting every pressing urge to scream to run away.. because she's not the same, and she hates that. She knows what they're saying..but she wont answer them back. They're right, she's different..she wants to blame it on him.. the one who made her forget about the tragedy she relives everyday at home. The innocence she lost so early, she wishes she could get back. But he broke her. She's been through it all.. the cynical playlists she knows them by heart.. she can't listen anymore.. it wont change the fact that he's gone. He broke her.. so she broke others in return. Each one of them is different she knows.. she just wanted to have fun. They saw the light in her eyes, the sun in her smile..but she saw nothing but mediocrity. She learned all the tricks. Never underestimate the power of a deceiving smile. She's over the past, but it still lives in her today.. not many can see it. But he surprised her, because reading into her was a breeze. He's been broken before..he's just like her. Been through it all, tore away the flesh from his bones, he's just like her. But they don't see it. Born in despair, made of flaws, stitched together with good intentions. The passion is overwhelming, it's perfect, better than what she pictured it to be. Started as a mistake, a rendezvous.. one of his game..she played along. She knows he'll eventually do what they all did.. take her heart out and step on whats left of it, burn the ashes of her heart into dust..because he too doesn't see the good no more. Why would she be different. Why would she change. She wants to change.. waiting on a cue from him.. a sign that tells her to push the weight of her shoulders and live again. No messages on her phone, losing all hope in hope.. shutting her eyes once more. Pressing them tight..no she's not ready at all.. to see the light.